Ready To Breathe
by elle-0802
Summary: Sam knew this day would come, and part of him actually accepts it. But the biggest part of him just wants his big brother back, just wants all this to be a nightmare.


**title:** ready to breathe.  
**rating:** PG-13  
**genre:** death!fic, Gen  
**pairing:** None  
**summary:**_He'd have to let Dean go because that's what you do. You let people leave who have to leave._  
**word count:** less than 800  
**warnings:** dead!Dean, angsty!Sammy  
**author's note:** I get really angsty when I'm depressed so sorry if you have to pull out tissues. (This story is set before the end of season 3)  
**disclaimer:** This is lies, fiction, the definition of 'not real'.  
**feedback:** The single most orgasmic thing on the planet.  
_

His body sits slumped in the backseat of the Impala, his baby. His mouth hangs open, his face peaceful in the moonlight that shines on him through the windows. A beautiful quiet statue.

Sam sits in the driver's seat as he stares at Dean in the rearview mirror. He hadn't taken his eyes off him in the two hours since his heart stopped except to watch the road as he drives. Sam knew this day would come, and part of him actually accepts it. But the biggest part of him just wants his big brother back, just wants all this to be a nightmare.

Sam drives to the secluded area in the woods of Wisconsin where even after almost two years the remnants of the pyre they built for John still stalls the growth of new grass. He had been thinking for the past few months what he would do with Dean's body once he was robbed of the mortal coil. Since he couldn't bury Dean next to Mary's headstone in the cemetery (his first choice), he decides to lay him to rest near his father's ashes where he'd be surrounded by the earth.

He parks near the spot, climbs into the backseat and positions Dean so that he leans against his shoulder. Sam places his hand on Dean's cold, clammy face and winces. He wants to touch him...just touch him. Maybe he thinks he could do something-anything-to bring Dean back. Deep inside his heart, he knows it is a lost cause. But he wants Dean next to him, no matter what.

He brushes a thumb over Dean's pale, chapped lips and tries to count the freckles splashed across his forehead. He'd give anything to hear Dean call him 'bitch' again if only to hear that raspy voice he knows so well. He can still hear him say it, sort of like a low growl.

He pulls Dean up to him and hugs him close. He shuts his eyes tight and breathes in the strong scent of beer and incense that still lingered.

'I can do this. I can let you go, Dean,' Sam begrudgingly thinks. He'd have to let Dean go because that's what you do. You let people leave who have to leave. And he can't go to the crossroads. He won't start this vicious circle again.

He leans Dean up against the seat and takes in his presence again. He removes the ring from Dean's hand and the amulet from around Dean's neck and puts them on the front seat then empties Dean's pockets (some loose change, a phone number to a Katie M., and a matchbook from Cougar's Den) and removes his brown leather jacket.

He leaves Dean on the seat, goes around to the trunk, and pulls out the shovel.

It takes him two hours to dig a big enough grave for his brother, the taillights of the Impala brightening the earth beneath him. He only spends fifteen minutes crying.

He finishes digging, climbs out and goes to retrieve Dean's body. He lays him in the grave, pausing to look at how beautiful the stars look on such a gloomy night. Tonight, he becomes the only Winchester left.

He says a final goodbye, closing his eyes tight in prayer before picking up the shovel and tossing the dirt back into the grave on top of Dean.

He pats down the grave trying to make it as level as possible. Taking a stick from the ground next to him, he draws symbols that he saw in Dad's journal before to protect corpses from desecration. He puts a hand to the earth and pats it then retreats to the car. He throws the shovel in the trunk and closes it then passes around to the driver's side. He grabs Dean's ring and amulet, puts them both on, then picks up Dean's jacket, and lays it on the passenger seat.

He phones Bobby and plans to stay with him until he can get on his feet. He needs family right now and Bobby has been his surrogate father for the past two years.

The road blurs as he drives to South Dakota, barely stopping to eat and sleep. He's so tired when he gets to Bobby's that he almost doesn't care about a thing in the world when his head hits the pillow.

All he can see is Dean. He sleeps soundly for the first time in years. Bobby will wait til he's ready to talk. Until he's ready to breathe.

**end.**


End file.
